Trading in My Boobs
October 4, 2012 at 10:08 am 9 comments
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By Roland zh (Own work) via Wikimedia Commons
Recently after a screen for a wellness program at work I’ve made a concerted effort to eat differently. I wont say better, because I eat healthy and I exercise, but as I round my third decade I’m definitely aware that I can’t get away with some of the eating habits I have in the past. So, I’m rather annoyed to see Facebook pictures of my brother-in-law who is nine months older then I am and has recently toned up.
Me: When did my brother-in-law get arm muscles? I’m weirded out here.
Sara: THAT’S WHAT I SAID!
Me: But then, you know, if I had a wife who cooked for me like my sister does for him, I’d probably eat better and be thinner too.
There is a pause while Sara takes a second to think of how to respond. I’m hoping for pissed-off camaraderie since she’s only six months younger than I am, and if I’m gonna be pissed off about something ridiculous I really like it if someone is pissed off along side me.
Sara: We have boobs? Maybe that’s supposed to make up for it?
Not the direction I thought this conversation was going. But I think about it for a moment.
Me: I’m not all that interested in my own boobs.
Sara: Me either, but they do occasionally do nice things for me and/or get me things.
I take a second to think this over and peer down at myself.
Me: I’d rather have a higher metabolism.
In conclusion, I’m trading in my boobs for a higher metabolism if anyone can cut that deal for me. Otherwise I’ll begin taking applications for a wife. Duties will include grocery shopping, cooking, packing lunches, cleaning (especially the bathroom), making the bed, and watering the plants. You will need to provide proof of a side job which will support your eating, shopping, and living habits. But I‘ll do the dishes. . . . . . . . . as long as there is a dishwasher.
[Edit: Post edited to add picture and I tried to correct the formatting. But that didn't so much work.]
Entry filed under: Humor. Tags: .
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1.
picturemereading | October 4, 2012 at 5:20 pm
Rofl!! I’d rather have a high metabolism as well!
2.
Jami Zehr @http://absurdlynerdly.wordpress.com | October 8, 2012 at 9:16 am
This seems to be a common sentiment. Who knew? LOL
3.
Drew | October 4, 2012 at 7:46 pm
I have neither metabolism nor boobs. So I guess I kinda lucked out.
4.
Jami Zehr @http://absurdlynerdly.wordpress.com | October 7, 2012 at 6:44 pm
That’s too bad.
lol
5.
Stephanie @ Read in a Single Sitting | October 4, 2012 at 8:15 pm
Best blog post title ever, just saying. I bet your stats will go through the roof!
But yep, I’d totally trade my boobs for a high metabolism, too!
6.
Jami Zehr @http://absurdlynerdly.wordpress.com | October 7, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Right? LOL And I do need to check my stats now.
7.
theswitz | October 4, 2012 at 11:51 pm
This post made me laugh. Thank you. I needed the chuckle. My 2¢ ladies, keep the boobs because the metabolism runs out!
8.
Jami Zehr @http://absurdlynerdly.wordpress.com | October 7, 2012 at 6:43 pm
See, if I trade in my boobs I get to keep the metabolism, that’s the part of the deal you couldn’t read in the fine prints because it was too small to read (and I just realized it needed to be in the fine print.)
I’m glad I made you laugh. Making people laugh is one of my greatest joys in life!
9.
Kenneth Branagh and Double Entendres « Absurdly Nerdly | October 10, 2012 at 9:56 am
[...] a very mature person, though you wouldn’t know it from my conversations with Sara. (And no, I’m not making a double entendre regarding my boobs). Internets people, I was in court today and spoke before a judge and all, even got my motion [...]