Posts filed under ‘Humor’
I’m thankful for my car. I love my car. Chris got it for an awesome deal, it is totally paid off, it is in great condition, and I love driving it. I haven’t owned a car in a decade. Right before I left for college, my brother’s best friend put my ’76 Monte Carlo into gear, rolled it through the window, the car got away from him, flew over bushes into some trees. I haven’t owned a car since. I didn’t really need it in college, I borrowed other people’s cars, and I definitely didn’t need it in Chicago where public transportation is more than enough to get around.
One of my worries about move to Texas was the sprawling nature of the state and that I would have to own a car. But then my fiance found me a beautiful car, I live in a fairly small city, and I love driving again. I love my car. Chris aid the other day that we share cars, so of course I can drive his SUV. I said, um, well, I’m not sharing my car with you. I love it too much. It is just mine. So, you might want to think about if you want to share yours with me.
He laughed because he thought I was joking. I just patted my dashboard. My car knows I love her and she would never desert me for a man.
Early this morning I decided what I was going to write, but a couple of things happened to interfere with writing in that particular moment and now that I’m home after an 8 hour shift at work and it’s 10 pm I realize I’ve used up too much brain power, because I cannot for the life of me remember what I was going to be thankful for. So, I looked around for inspiration and found it.
I’m thankful for my blankey.
I’m one of the oldest grandchildren on my father’s side of the family even though is one of the youngest of 12. My parents got married young. . . . too young. Anyway, my great grandmother was still alive at the time, she lived until she was 97, I was in college at the time. I only have a few things from Granny Gingrich, one of them being my blankey that she and my grandmother quilted. It is hard to see in the picture, but there is a swan in a pond with lilies and pussy willows. At one point her name was embroidered at the bottom, but I’ve had this blanket for over 30 years and the embroidery has worn away.
The one constant in my life has been my blankey. Like Linus’ security blanket, it has been with me everywhere. My family moved a lot, a LOT! By the time I was 17 I had moved 21 times. My blankey faithfully by my side, comforting me through nightmares and new homes. My blankey holds a lot of secrets and a lot of stories. Like the time my sister and I snuck into my mom’s closet with her red finger nail polish and spilt the entire container all over it, I don’t think any of the polish actually got on our nails.
My recent move, both exciting and terrifying, means sleepless nights as stress eats away at my brain or new noises keep me awake, I pull out old faithful and sleep crowds out the worries, because my body knows that blankey means sleepy time.
Today was a long day, and I had caffeine much later than I should have, and stresses are piling on, and I’m really really thankful for my blankey.
For some reason, my One Thousand Posts and Counting post gets THE MOST SPAM EVER! Which is actually awesome, I love spam.
Occasionally a real commenter gets into my spam account, so I have to fish them out, drag them through the door of communication and drop them like something the cat dragged in, sopping wet, give them a shake, wait while they dry off, and then treat them like the real live mouse the cat decided to bring in and toy with. Or something like that. I’m not real good with metaphors? similes?
Here is how my spam reading goes:
Video Conference: I do not know…
Me: Blah blah. No, you don not know anything. You do not know you made it into my spam folder. You do not know you will now be deleted.
Homepage: … [trackback]
Me: Someone is determined to look like a trackback, even though that is totally NOT how my homepage trackbacks look like. Nice try though. Actually that isn’t. That is a really bad try. I should take up hacking, I would be much better at it. . . how much do hackers make again?
[Japanese writing]: Brown mascara, green colored mascara and brown mascara are alabama
unexpected eye-poppers. PS: please can Suri Cruise get a cameo too,
Mrs Prada! Contained is a extractible, buckled make strap.
Celine series include Dress,Skirt,Designer Shoes,High heels, Purses and so on
the subject of.
Me: That doesn’t. What? Make sense. Why would Suri Cruise get a cameo on a beauty commercial? Isn’t she like five and isn’t her mother against make up? Or something like that.
Three “comments” in a row, all in Japanese. Google Translate asks if I want to know what the spammers are trying to tell me. I do not want to know Google. I’m pretty sure they are all just jealous of Will Smith’s daughter and her hair, or something like that.
Little Mermaid Tattoos 2 Sheets | MedPlus4all.COM: […] Nodds & Nends: Skull Sheets, Tattoos, and Improv Class | Absurdly … […]
Me: Ooh! Clever robot, you found a word and you replicated it a bunch of times. And you added Little Mermaid. Which is really clever because I do have a LOT of Disney posts. I can’t help myself! But I’m pretty share some MedPlus4all is just going to lead me to a bunch of genitalia and that usually leads to viruses.
I do love spam. I get to be all clever in my head. At a computer robot, because that is the life peeps!
But I especially love spam that gets through my robotic spam protector that lives inside my computer because then I go, AH HA! I caught something the robot did not, as of now, I’m not obsolete……. I can totally catch spam going to a blog that about fifty people read…….. Yay?
Peeps, you are totally awesome, my lack of blogging schedule is totes to blame for numbers dropping. But I don’t blog for the numbers. No sir, I blog for the spammers.
One of the most amazing things about kids is that they see magic everywhere. And they really believe in it. I never did believe in much of anything, even as a kid. I wasn’t allowed to believe in Santa or the Easter Bunny, though we did have a “tooth fairy”, but Jesus was the only supernatural being I was allowed to believe in. My niece on the other hand truly believes in magic. All of her favorite shows are about magic. It is very real to her, and such fun to watch.
The other day we were driving by some construction of some sort and I pointed it out to her saying, “Look at that truck. Those men are either pumping something into the ground or out of the ground.”
My niece, “I think they are pumping something into the ground.”
“Magic treasure.” She replied matter of fact.
Of course. How did I *think* it got there?
Skull bed sheets that cost more than I want to spend on sheets. Why are sheets so damn expensive!? Thanks to Chris N. for the tip!
Really detailed tribal tattoos. I really need to decide what tattoo I want to get next. Thanks to Tara N. for the tip!
The 10 People You Meet in Every Improv Class. Yaaah, I’ve definitely met all those people and did improv with them. And I’m totally not the last one, nope, not at all. <.<_>.> Thanks to Sara H. for the tip!
I’ve been apartment hunting, which is going dismally may I add, but I’d live in this abandoned tree house in a second. I’m marrying a handy man after all. Thanks to Tara N. for the tip!
Cool skeletal cosplay. I <3 Pinterest. And cosplayers.
Check out my newest favorite podcast on Nerdist, called Terrified, hosted by Dave Ross. I first heard him on Sex Nerd Sandra, but he has also been on Risk, another great storytelling podcast. Dave is really good at asking questions, he would make a great therapist.
I try to do an art project, craft, or some kind of fun activity with my niece every day that we play together. One day we made play dough using this recipe I found on Pinterest. It uses kool aid so it smells really good and you can get some fun colors if you can find them. (Damn you stores, why don’t you carry the blue Kool Aid any more?? Nobody wants tropical punch!!!) My niece loves cooking and baking so making something that she could later play with was a huge bonus. I even taught her how to knead the dough, she did an awesome job, standing at the counter muttering to herself the steps I had told her. Too cute!
So, I’ve sort of a new job in Texas. In that, when I moved I transferred my part-time evening job and then got a small promotion to key holder. I only work part-time, but my hours are all wonky and putting together any kind of routine is nigh impossible, added to which I’m a caretaker for a four year old now and basically if I don’t have a panic attack in a day, I feel I’ve accomplished a monumental achievement. Like today when my car wouldn’t start because I left the lights on this morning and I didn’t even cry. That was a major achievement let me tell you.
There are plenty of wonderful moments in my new life here in Texas. For example, I saw this awesome chalk art as I was walking into work one morning and was able to take a snapshot before it was washed away later that day.
I also had a really great day with my niece. We went to a mall (there are only malls here in Texas, nothing else. They are very necessary when the heat index raises and my tolerance for being in the house decreases.), rode a carousel with a horse that had a purple saddle, and then my niece discovered this graffiti parking lot art as we were walking to my car. I honestly can’t tell if this person is for or against science with the Where’s Waldo/Jailer suit going on.
I may have forgotten the stroller and the fact that the kid falls asleep in the car all the time and the soothing voices of a podcast telling Aesop’s fables meant that I carried a 45 lb girl past breakable dishes and down an escalator until I found a couch I could stake out in for twenty minutes, but I’m the cool aunt who will sit for ten minutes with a bowl of hot kool aid water to dye her hair. So I think I balance out to a win on the auntie scale.
Also, I sat for like thirty minutes and painstakingly painted with body glue and glitter a flower and a very suggestive fairy tattoo on each of her arms respectively. Because I’m hell bent on raising a my own street artist and you gotta start with fairy tattoos and pink ombre hair.
If only getting a real tattoo was as painless. I was going to say as easy, but honestly, putting temporary tattoos or glitter tattoos on a four year old is not that easy. Ah glitter, the herpes of the arts and craft world.
Yes, those are mushrooms she’s picking. No, I did not let her eat them. Sheesh, I may forget strollers, but remember? I’m winning in the auntie department. And I’m serious about the “raising my own street artist.”
In Chicago I was part of an improv troupe for a little under a year. Some of the guys from my improv troupe (Pat, Larry, Eric, and Prateek, I don’t know that strange camera guy. I’m sure he’s really… interesting) have created a comedy group called Witiots, they post sketches on Youtube. You can also follow them on twitter @witiots and like their Facebook page.
Ah Pat, you are hilarious. Always were.
Also shout out to Sherry who made Musical Improv Conservatory!
A vocal teacher got to sing with Kristin Chenowith and actually did harmonies! I love it. While the quality of the video is poor I do love Chenowith’s reactions. Actually I just love her, she’s bright, quirky, and I’m pretty sure I would make a great best friend for her, if she’d only give me a chance.
I love when she does pranks on Ellen. ROFL.
It’s been a while since I’ve really posted. I put up a few things last week, but I know postings haven’t been real regular. Hopefully soon I’ll get a routine in place and be posting on a schedule. For now, I’m kind of taking each chaotic day as it happens.
I moved to Texas, peeps. Fourteen or so hours in a van after ditching about half of the stuff in my apartment because it couldn’t fit. And that was after a major downsizing in preparation for the move. Basically all my stuff fits in a bedroom and along the wall of a garage. It’s a little disorienting and I’ll admit I was sad to see my bed fly away from my life. Le sigh.
But in spite of the stress, sprained fingers from moving, and some major life adjustments I’m really excited about the future. Soon Chris will be moving out here and there will be even more awesome, chaotic, and wonderful adjustments as we start our life together.
One of the biggest, is that I’m now engaged!
Chris proposed in June while we were on vacation at Virginia Beach. After walking the boardwalk for a few minutes and discussing wedding plans (as we have been for a while now) he said, “I guess I haven’t actually asked you to marry me yet.”
“No, I guess you haven’t.” I agreed.
“Will you marry me?” He asked. I thought he was joking, sometimes his serious face and his “I’m teasing you now” face look the same.
“Oh, wait, for real?” I questioned.
“Um, yes.” He said.
“Oh, then, yes!” I agreed, before I burst out laughing at myself. Oh, wait, for real, is probably the least romantic thing I’ve ever said.
We ordered a ring together and it just arrived yesterday and I really really love it! Life may not be a bed of roses (though who really wants that, think of the thorns!), but it’s a hundred percent better with Chris in it. He listens, he makes me laugh, and he has taken my side against my sisters from the beginning. Well, most of the time. I look forward to us evolving together as people.
io9′s top 10 science fiction TV spin offs that were great in their own right. Such as Xena. Booyah!
How cool is this flexible seating? Pretty cool. However, I’m not sure how comfortable it would be. It looks like cardboard.
Now for some cool book stuff. Like this pretty pretty book land! Or a cool mobile library. A great photo of raining books. I hope no books were harmed in the production of this photo. All of these cool book things were found on Ned Hayes Pinterest boards. You should go follow him.
I may need to take these kid geeky costumes a little more seriously now that I have a four year old in my daily life. This R2D2 Princess costume is adorbs.
Check out this 3doodler, a 3d printing pen that is totally awesome. I WANT ONE!!!