In My Element

This weekend Chris and I went to an estate sale on a whim since we both had the day off. While there the car overheated, which waylaid our plans and so we found a shady spot and walked around for a bit. Once we finally got back on the road it was really bad traffic so when we saw the Forth Worth Montgomery Antique Mall we pulled over and spent some time wandering the aisles. It is MASSIVE! I’ve been to many antique malls over the years and this was by far the biggest store I have been to. I would guess it was the size of a football field. But my favorite little shop (the mall is divided into several shops) was a book corner I found. The book I’m holding was worth $40. Unfortunately, I forget the title.

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Cigarette Zombies

Razor sharp teeth, mouth agape, lips stretched wider than a human’s mouth should go, a monster that was once a man rushed past me. I threw my arm out and caught the child by my side, pushing us up against the wall hoping the oncoming swarm would pass by and leave us alone.

It all started earlier while I was stocking shelves. The last of summer’s water toys were going up for clearance, the bright colors out of place next to all the decorations for Halloween. Holidays arrived earlier every year. My co-worker next to me was peeved, “I just don’t understand.” He mumbled.

“CVS and Walgreens merged, they are now one company.” I explained again. “We have to get inventory ready for the merger now that we work for Walgreens.”

“I can’t believe we work for Walgreens. I just don’t understand.” She mumbled again.

I noticed a wiry man with long stringy graying hair shuffle pass me, looking around out of the corner of his eyes. Checking to see if any of us employees noticed him. Suspicious behavior requires excellent customer service, so I went over to him and offered to help him find something. My co-worker peeked around the corner to see where I had gone, his brown bangs swinging in his face, hiding his eyes. The customer didn’t need my help and shambled away from me. “Surprisingly”, I found work to do near him, watching for more suspicious behavior.

He was looking at cartoons of cigarettes which for some reason had been temporarily moved because of the merger and were no longer locked up or put out of reach. He piled his arms full of them and headed toward the checkout counter. I kept “fixing” the items on a shelf watching to see what he would do. Suddenly he darted toward the automatic sliding doors and ran outside with his stolen loot. Fast on his heels was a old woman, her arms also full of stolen cigarettes.

I stood up from where I was shelving lotions, and watched as the man and woman flung cigarettes into the air, liberating them for the masses. Quicker than I would have dreamed possible, hordes of tobacco starved people began to pile onto the street grabbing at the falling cigarettes. I caught movement in my right peripheral and saw a gaping mouth, spread too wide, full of inhuman teeth running toward me and realized I was in the way of the zombie and his cigarettes.

I reached out for my co-worker and pulled her back against the wall next to me, hoping that we would not be bitten by such horrific teeth. His mouth loomed closer and closer. Something wasn’t right. How was the child next to me also a man and a woman? Why would  a cigarette zombie even exists?

I woke with a start and rolled over pushing my face into the pillow. Ugh, zombie interrupted sleep. Again.

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Picture by Chris who also suggested the ending, and wants credit for it.

Webseries Review: Stand Up Girls

Stand Up Girls was created by Amy K. Green & Blair Skinner. Stand Up Girls  is a “scripted series about stand up female comedians and their horribly, misguided views on life.” Jenna Brister (Harper), Stephanie Kornick (Ursula), and Hollie Lee (Dolores) are all real life stand up comedians, bringing a unique perspective to this webseries.

I watched all eight episodes of the first season which is available on line. Production is decent, though attempts to create a bunch of different apartments was maybe a bit ambitious, and I suspect a bookcase was used in two different sets. Each episode is about five minutes long and full of awkward, agonizingly so, hilariously so, moments. My favorite line was: “But then I thawed out and became a woman again.”Some of the stand up was not my favorite, some of it made me guffaw. I liked the interweaving of stand up to real life, because that is where  the good stand ups get their material, and it seemed more realistic and made it all a bit funnier.

Reminiscent of Awkward Embraces, Stand Up Girls will add a few chuckles to your day and make you glad your problems don’t include homeless squatters, a magician as an employer, or a mic in front of you every night.

New Movie from Dollhouse Alums

I recently started rewatching Dollhouse at night and stumbled on an article about the Dollhouse alum making a movie titled Lust for Love. I’m going to have to track this one down, Victor is one of my all time favorite male characters and I’ve been meaning to track down the actor and see some of his other work. The trailer made me laugh out loud. Headbuttee FTW! http://youtu.be/w_fy3efQCaE

Throw Back Thursday Circ. 1985

Jami opening phone

It’s throwback Thursday where people post pictures of them from eons ago, or maybe from just a few years ago. Apparently at one point and time I had a mullet. My only excuse is that it was the 80’s and I was a curious child who first cut her hair with scissors and then when those were taken away found some nail clippers.

My mom likes to tell the story that my little baby sister found my curly hair piled under the crib where I had cut it all off and brought out one of my curls to tattle tail on me. My mom seeing the curl thought it was a rat’s tail and screamed bloody murder. I think it was payback for her desire to name me Jami Smurf….., you heard me right. Smurf. Though to be fair she was 17 when she was trying to name me and there were lots of critters that got into that trailer, a possum and raccoon for a few examples.