My work joins the Komen foundation for breast cancer awareness month and every year each city participates in the Race for the Cure. This year was my first time to participate. Chris and I went into Dallas early one Saturday morning, lie 6 a.m. early, met up with my group, took pictures, and then strolled through the streets for 3 miles to raise money and awareness for women’s health issues.
Throngs of people populated the street, some dressed up with special hats, some with tutus, and even some with capes. Everyone was there for a reason, some it was just support, for some it was in memory of a loved one, and for some it was in triumph over hardship.
Because of these people awareness and funds were raised for the future health of women. So, today, I’m thankful for people with a cause.
Today was kind of a mess. The allergens here in Texas are different from Chicago, and I’ve been reacting differently. Actually, I thought I was coming down with something yesterday when I was seeing blurry, had a headache, and my throat was sore.
I slept fitfully and woke up feeling not much better. After downing a bowl of cereal my fiance and I left to run some errand which went for so long that I didn’t get lunch. I finally got off of work at 6:30 pm and more errands were run and no food consumed. I got cranky.
Which I will admit isn’t pretty. I was whining and not wanting to run any more errands. But my man leaves at 5 tomorrow morning and I wont get home until 9:30 at night. Which means in spite of my hunger I didn’t want to go back to the house before him. That’s when I remembered a granola bar in my purse and while searching around for it found an apple that was left in there. It was kind of like Meg Ryan’s purse on One Fine Day, only I forgot what was in there and she looked cute in a boy’s dinosaur shirt.
When we finally got home I went straight to the pantry and cooked up a box of Annie’s Mac & Cheese.
Today, I’m thankful for Mac & Cheese.
There has been a lot of research on hugging. Some people recommend 8 hugs a day just to be at a place of emotional stasis. There have definitely been days where I have maybe only gotten one hug. Those where sad days.
Recently, I went on a trip to see family and the abundance of hugs got me to thinking. Getting more than eight hugs a day was wonderful. It feels good to have someone surround you with their arms, to hold on, and know that you exist and they exist in the moment. Giving support to each other.
It is easy to forget to give the people who are in your lives daily that we all need a little hug to survive. So hopefully this is a reminder to go out there and give a good hug to someone you care about.
I’m thankful for my car. I love my car. Chris got it for an awesome deal, it is totally paid off, it is in great condition, and I love driving it. I haven’t owned a car in a decade. Right before I left for college, my brother’s best friend put my ’76 Monte Carlo into gear, rolled it through the window, the car got away from him, flew over bushes into some trees. I haven’t owned a car since. I didn’t really need it in college, I borrowed other people’s cars, and I definitely didn’t need it in Chicago where public transportation is more than enough to get around.
One of my worries about move to Texas was the sprawling nature of the state and that I would have to own a car. But then my fiance found me a beautiful car, I live in a fairly small city, and I love driving again. I love my car. Chris aid the other day that we share cars, so of course I can drive his SUV. I said, um, well, I’m not sharing my car with you. I love it too much. It is just mine. So, you might want to think about if you want to share yours with me.
He laughed because he thought I was joking. I just patted my dashboard. My car knows I love her and she would never desert me for a man.
I like to listen to a podcast called Terrified. The host, Dave Ross, asks three questions of his guests that he interviews. They can choose one to talk about. The three questions are: What are you afraid of? What are you worried about? And Why do you hate yourself?
The three questions are related and people talk about their fears and anxieties, the copy mechanisms that they’ve learned (which can be helpful as far as tips go), and most of them talk about how going to therapy has helped them a lot. I really like listening to the show. I think Dave Ross is an excellent host, he asks great follow up questions, and I really enjoy how all of his guests feel safe enough to be vulnerable about their fears. It makes me feel a lot less alone in mine.
One of the interesting things that I’ve noticed is that a lot of his guest actually hate themselves. They don’t like being alone and they can’t stand quiet. On one level I understand this. When I was living alone, there was a lot of quiet time, and I used to put the TV on to combat the overwhelming silence at times. On the other hand, I really enjoy quiet moments. And I don’t hate myself.
I contribute this to a couple of things. Firstly, I refuse to hate myself. I was taught as I was growing up that I was born a sinner and if I did not do all the good things then I could not outweigh my sinner nature and get to heaven. So I hated myself a lot while I was growing up, because I inevitably failed at doing all the good things and thought I was a horrible person. Eventually, I left that life and way of thinking and the moment I realized I didn’t share the same faith as my family I was incredibly relieved. I didn’t have to hate myself anymore.
And I still don’t. Even though I’m an anxious person, and I have personality quirks that need management. I manage them. I don’t hate myself for them. Some days I dislike that I have the anxiety problems that I do, and I wish they weren’t a part of me., but I don’t hate myself.
That is an amazing feeling!
So, when I’m sitting in the quiet moment. When the four year old is asleep and the dogs are too and my brother-in-law isn’t home so he isn’t snoring and the world is quiet for a moment, and I’m here, with myself, with my thoughts, with who I am as a person, I am content. I’m thankful for quiet moments that let me realize, I don’t hate myself anymore.
I’m thankful for dancing. I love to dance. I grew up in a family that was extremely religious. Often this precluded us from doing things. Like celebrating Halloween. It also meant that we substituted worldly things with Christianized versions of them. Like interpretive dancing. Basically, it was a lot of sign language, some contemporary moves, and some ballet. We even had national competitions with our denomination and I enjoyed every second of it. . . Well, there was once incident that kind of soured things for me personally. But I was able to set that once incident aside and just move with the music. I eventually choreographed dances for other people and I really miss that aspect of who I use to be.
Now, I’m old, I haven’t taken lessons in forever, and the only time I dance is when the house is quiet, everyone is gone, the dogs are kenneled, and a bit of energy will steal over me, and I’ll set some music on and dance to Joey from Concrete Blonde. I’m thankful for dancing. It has always been a way of expressing myself and someday I want to start taking adult lessons again. Some day when I have the time and the money.
In the mean time I enjoy watching dancing shows like SYTYCD and I will never stop dancing in the living room when no one is looking.
I’m thankful for Adele. I love her voice and many of her songs resonate. One of my yoga teachers would play a song of hers and that was my favorite moment of yoga. I could loose myself in her words and forget that I was holding a pose for 60 seconds.