Television Review: Warehouse Wednesday: Don’t Hate the Player, Just Pelt Him with Rotton Tomatoes

Don’t Hate the Player was a unique episode, taking the gang into an alternate reality and dealing with a lot of emotional issues while staying fun and exciting. Fargo makes an appearance and adds a bit of fresh air to the usual artifact finding episodes. He continuity between Warehouse 13 and Eureka is kept vague, because frankly it doesn’t really fit with his time line of getting ready for the space trip. But no matter, we’ll take him continuity be damned. I liked the fact that an artifact was at the heart of the trouble of this episode, yet the overall seasonal story arc continues and we learn a little bit more of the FBI lady when Artie and Jinks have to deal with her. Yes, that is right. Jinks is back. All in all a good episode, interesting, and just good fun.

It is open mic in Univille and Pete is urging Claudia to play the guitar there sometime. But she demurs. Best guess the end of the episode is her playing open mic. This is almost too easy of a set up. Someone calls Claudia’s cellphone and she figures out through his garbled and frightened mumblings that Fargo is in trouble. So Claudia, Pete, and Myka head out to save the D.I.D (dude in distress). When the gang arrives they find out that Fargo has built a video game that you can actually get inside of which simulates artificial feelings and sensations. You don’t just play the game, you feel it. Pete is dubious this is a Warehouse 13 problem, he thinks it is an I.T. problem. But Claudia knows her electronics and quickly susses out that it could never have worked with out some sort of artifact to help. Pete has some awesome quotes in this episode and I especially enjoyed his snarking on the geeks, because he does it out of good fun.

Screen Still from Warehouse 13

Meanwhile Jinks and Artie have responded to an inquiry by the evil FBI lady who shows them that some gallery owner jumped out of a second story window and fell to the ground and was splattered. I wonder if Jinks was implanted with an artifact, otherwise how does he always know when a person is lying? Maybe the FBI lady is in control if it, why else would they show up in the season at the same time? Evil FBI lady says the corner ruled it a suicide, but she has issues with that. Mainly that it would be hard to jump through two panes of plexi glass and that falling from a second story shouldn’t kill someone. But Artie gets all secretive, says it is a suicide and ushers Jinks out. He tells Jinks he doesn’t want the FBI lady to learn anymore about the Warehouse so they will come back later and steal the painting.A Van Gogh print which always precedes death.

Promo shot for Warehouse 13

The rest of the gang has discovered that what is allowing the game to work is Beatrix Potter’s tea pot. Apparently she drank the tea and tripped bunnies (another great Pete line). The full set is on Artie’s most wanted, and somehow Fargo found one of the tea cups. He used the tea cup to drink some brew which enabled the players to enter the game. Claudia and Pete decide to go into the game to save Fargo who is have seizures on the couch. Claudia quickly crates a gamer headset to talk to them from the outside. Pete and Claudia arrive in the game with controllers, Claudia is an elf and Pete a gladiator. Seeing his bare chest Claudia remarks that he looks like a stripper. She ain’t wrong. Take it off Pete! (Ok, so I seem to say this a lot. ;D) An Artie program appears in the Warehouse themed computer game and tells them they need to save the princess they agree and a yellow brick road shows up for them to follow to the cave of mystery. Artie and Jinks however, are breaking into the gallery. Artie calls it creative snagging. They use a contraption called an eclipse to stop the lasers and low and behold the evil FBI lady shows up. Sooo, did not see *that* coming. (That is sarcasm, fyi.)

Myka had Leena send her scans of Beatrix Potter’s first edition copy of her books and Myka finds out that they are a lot darker than Myka remembered. Pete and Claudia find a creature in distress, they liberate her with purple goo and it is Eagle Leena, who has some awesome boobs- I mean wings. She hands Claudia a feather for rescuing her and flies away. Pete makes a quip about Leena’s boobs, and her wings too and the two of them are off. They walk into a copy of the dark vault (which I don’t remember, but apparently is in the real Warehouse) and pick up a key. Claudia almost gets trapped in the quick sand, but easily evades it. There is however a hand sticking up out of the quick sand and the person is rescued with the handle of Pete’s sword and it is Fargo. A Grim Reaper appears, threatens the gang, steals Claudia and Pete’s controllers and chases them from the vault. Fargo insists the GR is not part of the game, and the artifact has mutated the game somehow. Myka tells them that the first edition of books is like some sort of dream diary, and they figure out that the artifact must bring fears to life int he game. The only way to get home is to finish the game, go to the black tower, and save the princess (I bet Claudia is the princess). Not only must they head to the black tower, but they need to find out what Jerry the Geek (can I just say it sound like Gary most of the time, and then suddenly it was Jerry) has rolling around in his brain because he is still in trouble. Myka back home takes off the head set which looks like Leia braids (sorta) and heads off to find Jerry the Geeks girlfriend.

Artie takes a picture of the bad painting and transposes it onto memory paper. The FBI lady shows up all annoying and Steve can’t seem to keep his mouth shut around her. Dude we know you know when someone is telling a lies, doesn’t mean you need to be shouting aloud the truth to her constantly. This goes to my, something is controlling him theory. Which is probably whey Artie is keeping him on the team, to watch over him. Because WTF. The Painting acts up and tries to blow them all out of the building. Hannah, Jerry”s girlfriend, shows up and says she is no longer his girlfriend. They broke up because he never proposed to her, and she was tired of everything being the same. She found the ring he bought, but still he never proposed. The FBI lady grabs the switched out Van Gogh from Jinks and escapes when a leaf sets off the alarm and triggers a lock down of the art gallery.

Screen Still from Warehouse 13

Claudia, Fargo, and Pete finally catch up to the Princess and gasp it is Claudia as a ditsy princess. Pete says what we all are thinking, “Really, you didn’t see this coming?” The insipid little Claudia thing plays them a ballad. Pete rightly questions why the game isn’t over, if they have saved the princess. Then they hear man sobs. Have we suddenly stepped into the Harry Potter universe? Is that Malfoy I hear? No, it’s Jerry. The GR reappears and it appears that the GR is part of Jerry’s nightmare. The GR reaps Claudia princess and Pete tries to take the GR on again but is struck down. Suddenly revealed, the GR is Hannah! Hannah/GR tries to choke Jerry and disappears with him in a cloud of smoke,and then a dragon breathes fire and Pete hurriedly shuts the door. Myka calls them to try and tell Pete that Jerry’s problems are his ex, the phone reception goes bad and Myka looses contact. They are trapped because of the Dragon, which Fargo tells them is actually part of the game, but then Claudia remembers her feather. Pete is excited to see Leena’s boobs again. Is this going to be a thing? God I hope not. I mean she has awesome boobs, but it’s Pete and Leena. Ew. Claudia asks for help and Leena sends in a weird creature. Which flies them to Jerry.

Jinks and Artie were played by the evil FBI lady. Duh. Have I not been calling her evil this entire time? They are in the police car discussing what has happened. A lot of exposition here and it feels stilted. The FBI lady arrives to save the day and gets them out of police custody and even hands the painting back over. I don’t know, there is something fishy about this. She must have done something to the painting. Because why would she take the artifact in the first place?

Screen Still from Warehouse 13

Jerry is about to be beheaded by a guillotine, and be babbles about not being ready to commit. At that moment Claudia’s fear manifests itself as a doctor from the Institution trying to make her feel like the Warehouse is a delusion. she gets electrocuted almost, but a person in a red cape shows up with a bow and arrow and shoots the doctor. Claudia hops off the table and electrocutes the doctor. The woman in red is Myka, in leather, wielding a weapon. Yowza!!! Also, I really wish that this concept of the Warehouse as a figment of Claudia’s imagination was not some two bit part in an episode, but I think it would have made for an awesome episode like on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, where you are never sure if it really is just in her head or not. The gang discusses that each of them defeated their own fears and so Jerry must too (what was Pete’s fear? I guess he got left out).

Jinks and Artie are free. The FBI Lady lied to the police, which she doesn’t like doing. She maintains she left them earlier so that she wouldn’t have to lie more. Jinks remarks that she is really good at lying. HA!!! I knew something was up with her. And she has some evil spell on him or something because he keeps blurting the truth out. Artie thanks her for handing the painting back over to them, but you can tell he notices something is off. We see a man in a yellow cab. Dun, Dun, DUUUUNNNN.

Pete and Fargo distract the GR while Claudia and Myka set Jerry free. Pete fights the scary lady and Fargo pulls out a wand shouting “You shall not pass!” OMG! I am sooo envious of Fargo!!! Course, he did get himself into this mess. Myka gives Jerry a quick counseling session and Jerry decides to propose to the scary grim reaper lady. She explodes into a million tiny pieces. (That’s what she said (or wanted). Sorry. I couldn’t help it.) The game i s complete and everyone comes back to themselves.

Screen Still from Warehouse 13

Claudia sings at open mic. Surprise. Surprise. She has a lovely voice and it adds nostalgia to the scene as Fargo heads back to Eureka, Jerry proposes to the real Hannah, and Myka and Pete tag the artifact and skip off into the sunset. Claudia gets a round of applause. The evil FBI lady says to some faceless man, “It is done.” The man says, “Now we wait.” And suddenly out of the Van Gogh swarm mechanical bugs invading the Warehouse

WHAT. DID. I. TELL. YOU!!!! Ugh, I saw that coming a mile away, and Artie didn’t? I mean he doesn’t have some sort of bug scanner among all those steam punk artifact gadgets!!!! Ugh. Anyway, that is the only thing I disliked about this wonderful creative masterpiece storytelling. So you know, I can live with that. But seriously, what is up with Jinks. Something is really wrong with him, got to be. I mean why was he blurting out the truth? How can he tell when someone is lying, but not the the evil FBI Lady is? The plot thickens and the friendships get tighter. This season is shaping up to be a great one!


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