I do not want to post today. I don’t have anything funny to say. I haven’t slept well all week and I am dog tired. My hormones are out of wack because I’m on some new medication that will hopefully help my overall hormonal imbalances, but it can take months for that system to work itself to “normal” and in the mean time I’m going into weird head spaces because of pain and lack of sleep. Also, I’m cold.
This office is friggin cold, which is a shame because it’s like the best November weather outside. I should go for a walk on my lunch break, but I’m sure I’ll just end up taking a nap in my car like I did yesterday. I’ll probably break down and go get some bad-for-me food like I did yesterday as well, because the craisins/nuts/cheese package and pineapple cup I just ate are just not doing the trick. True, I’m also on my second doughnut and second cup of coffee and I really should go for that walk instead, but I don’t want to. I’m tired, cold, and depressed.
I’ve been on my usual nerdy websites and Facebook and I came away more depressed about the state of affairs right now and it’s putting me into a state. Do you know the best things I saw today were a video about cis women’s hymens (see below) and when I found out that I should steal Jennifer Lawrence’s middle name -Shrader for a baby name?
…. Actually in writing this all out, the solution is very very simple.
I get pregnant (ding! no more periods FOREVER!!!!) with a baby girl so that 1) I can name her Shrader, 2) I can raise a strong brave woman who shows the world what putting yourself in someone else’s shoes (or Hijab) means, and 3) she will be one woman that knows all about her hymen and the virginity myth because I’m going to show her videos like the one below so she is fully educated about herself and her body. We’ll leave out the discussion that having a child to solve major life issues is probably not the best idea. (Don’t get excited family members who read this. This is a satirical piece born out of tiredness and frustration at the world, I’m not saying I actually want to birth an 10 lb alien from my body. You know it would be a big baby. Have you seen my husband’s family?)
Then I’m going to cross my fingers and hope really really hard that she and my nieces and nephew, and the children who are growing up right now, will become empathetic, brave, insightful, wonderful, decent human beings and make the world better than I apparently have done so far. I will talk about the differences they can make and push them to be better than this, because I’ve given up on affecting change. I’m not feeling particularly brave or insightful, just tired. I didn’t even want to post today.
P.S. This is a rant to get a few things off my chest. I’m sure tonight I will get some sleep and wake up feeling better. I’ll eat some warm food and snuggle on the couch and watch TV and promote self-care and bake cookies and be better. But in this moment, I am cold and hungry and a little sad.