Spam Mail Part 2

Last year I made my most spammed post a little less spamable. (Is that a word? The red line is telling me it isn’t a word, but it totally should be.) Since making the post less spamable I had to wait a while to build up a good amount of spam to make fun of. Then I forgot I was doing that and deleted a bunch of spam mail because gmail makes it so easy to just delete all the junk mail by shoving it into one folder and then having that select all box to click. Anyway between my forgetfulness and the easy deleting of spam mail, its been over a year and I think it’s high time to write another spam mail post.

I love making fun of horribly written spam mail and, as I know at least one person who believes everything she reads and can’t distinguish what is spam from proper email, I think it is education too. Maybe showing my thought process about why it is spam, will be like a PSA or something. Yah, this is my Spam PSA, someone get me a television show, I really need to tell the world how to delete Spam ! I promise. It’s not because I would love to be on TV or anything.

My first spam message is very important. . .

Ms Lisa Meditz IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO YOU– Good day, I am Ms Lisa Meditz, a US Citizen, Am 36 years old. I am one of….

Me: the robots. That’s right, you are one of the robots Ms Lisa Meditz. I am sorry to inform you of this. But your 36 years of life are a LIE.  Also, IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO YOU, using all caps to get my attention makes me feel like you are screaming at me for no reason except that you like to scream at people. Ms Lisa Medtiz, this is unacceptable. Please lower your goddamn robot voice. There are about a hundred more things I could make fun of with just a partial but totally grammatically incorrect sentence, however I’m out of time to spend on you Ms Lisa Meditz, so I will leave you with, Good day, Ma’am. I said, Good. Day.

P.S. I really like the name Lisa Meditz. I may have to use it in a story some day. So, thank you for that.

P.P.S. There are three people on Facebook with the name Lisa Meditz. Whaaaah?

I’m probably spending too much time on my spam mail if I find my self searching for specific names on Facebook, but it was an awesome revelation, I regret nothing.

Up next, some Good News!!!.

(unknown sender) Good News!!!– Attn: Beneficiary,After waiting and no response was heard, I deposited and also paid for the Delive

(unknown sender) Good News!!!– Attn: Beneficiary, After waiting and no response was heard, I deposited and also paid for the Delive

(unknown sender) Good News!!!– Attn: Beneficiary, I hope this email gets to you in good state of mind. After waiting and no response

Me: Oooh yay, three in a row from an unknown sender with good news and three exclamation marks. This is not suspicious at all. But wait for it… the best part is the guilt trip. You haven’t been waiting you spambot, you haven’t received a response because you are not a real person asking for a real thing. Don’t try to guilt trip me into thinking I forgot to do something. I grew up with constant guilt tripping, I can see it a mile away thankyouverymuch.

I take my issues out on spam mail. I think this is healthy.

The next spam deluge is almost deceptively normal looking, but I am not fooled.

Mr. Ali Shareef Emdi Hello Sir, QATAR PETROLEUM DEPARTMENT PO Box 3212Doha, Qatar shareef.emdi@minister.com

Mr. Ali Shareef Emdi Hello Sir, QATAR PETROLEUM DEPARTMENT PO Box 3212Doha, Qatar shareef.emdi@minister.com

Mr. E.H. Ali Shareef Emdi Hello Sir, QATAR PETROLEUM DEPARTMENT PO Box 3212, Doha, Qatar shareef.emdi@minister.com

Me. While I have a former co-worker whose name is Ali he knows I am not a sir.  Your first fail spambot. Furthermore, that is not his full name. I don’t remember what his last name is, but it’s not that. Also, pretty sure he’s not a minister unless something drastic happened in the last six months.

Hmmm, so according to Wikipedia (and we all know that is extremely reliable) Qatar Petroleum is a real company, third largest oil company supposedly. Am I supposed to know this because I live in Texas? Is that supposed to make me want to click on this email? I will say this, without a guilt trip going on you are looking like the nicest spambot, for what it is worth.

FYI, it is not worth much. It is worth nothing.

P.S. I know someone could saying using minister.com as an email is a form of manipulation and guilt tripping, but its almost at the end of the sentence and seems to be the least important part of the blurb.

P.P.S. Also, this makes the email more suspect, why would someone from an oil company have minister.com as their email address, because they wouldn’t. Put a little more effort into your spamming people.

This is my biggest complaint with spam mail, there is no effort to disguise it as anything else. Ugh. The next influx is no better.

UNCC Your Payment Notification (Urgent Update!!!)– Attention; NOTE:If you received this message in your SPAM/BU

UNCC Your Payment Compensation Notification!!! -Attention; NOTE:If you received this message in your SPAM/BU

Me: If I’ve received this message in my SPAM/BU[LLSHIT] folder, it’s because that is where this belongs. Good bye!

P.S. What is with the three exclamation marks again?

I don’t know why someone would make it soooo easy to just read SPAM/BULLSHIT. I mean, how is that not what they were going for?

Next up, Deal or No Deal. I’m going with the latter.

Info: Reply – Hello, My name is Capt. Lucas Alves from the US Army base here in Damascus, Syria. I have a Deal of

Me: Hello Capt. Lucas Alves, I have someone you should meet, Ms. Lisa Meditz. I think you two have a lot in common and make the best named spambot couple. You might want to use some protection though, I’m pretty sure you both are full of viruses.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Spam Mail Part 2

  1. I think you would enjoy reading: Delete This at Your Peril – The Bob Servant Emails by Neil Forsyth. Under the character of Bob Servant he started replying to the scammers and leading them on a merry dance. I hope they’re all true, but they’re very funny none the less.

    I don’t know if you can see this there but here’s one of them animated with Brian Cox as Bob.
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p014503m

  2. Pingback: Nodds & Nends: Wacky Inventions, Diverse Casts in Kids Books, and Spamming the Spammers | Absurdly Nerdly

Leave your own absurd thought

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s